Wearing the White Coat: An Opportunity to Encourage Women
by Sheena Hilton
My husband saw I was getting emotional when I brought home my white coat, and asked what it felt like to put it on. In the moment, I didn’t really have an answer. This is an attempt to put my thoughts into words.
But first, some backstory…
I began my healthcare career more than 20 years ago, at an assisted living facility. From there, I quickly moved on to the hospital setting, and never looked back.
My husband and I decided to move to Chapel Hill in 2007, while he finished his program at UNC. I think we always believed we would move back home to Concord, NC, when he graduated, but we loved the area so much, we decided to stick around for a while.
While I was working as a nursing assistant at UNC Hospitals, making new friends and colleagues, I was happy with my position by the bedside. That said, I felt like I wasn’t meeting my potential. I wanted to reach for more.
There was just one major obstacle (other than money, a newborn baby, and our family support system 2 hours away): I would need to finish school…and to be honest, I never truly believed it was an option. What I lack in confidence, I’m often able to balance with a dogged work ethic, and fearless attitude. Couple that with the most supportive husband ever, we finally decided to walk the tight rope without a net.
I applied to UNC Chapel Hill’s nursing school, and lo and behold, they accepted me! Me? Yes, me.
I couldn’t believe it.
Then came the hard part.
Coming home to my little man, when I was in school and working.
Taking advantage of UNC’s tuition reimbursement program, I was able to pay for school and finish debt free. However, it required maintaining my full-time work schedule at the hospital, and still finding time to be a mom, and wife. This would prove to be one of the most challenging, yet rewarding periods of my life, and one that transformed my self-confidence.
I graduated in 2013, and started working as a BSN in the Cardiothoracic Intensive Care Unit. This was the same unit I had been working, since moving to Chapel Hill six years earlier.
After some time, we moved to Cary, North Carolina, and I decided to work closer to home. The commute was killing me…and stealing time away from family, on what was already super long, 12 hour days.
My new job? Catching babies in Labor and Delivery! This was my first time out of the ICU setting in quite a while, and the change was wonderful. Instead of extremely sick patients every day, I was thankful to experience more joyous moments by the bedside.
Using with permission of photographer and patient.
I was happy. Satisfied.
Family was good. Work was good.
While I’d given some consideration to a graduate degree, I mostly ignored dreaming bigger for the same reasons that held me back earlier: money, family obligations, and a nagging doubt I would ever get in to my dream program.
What was the dream program? CRNA (Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist).
But once again, my husband was my biggest fan. He told me to go for it! “Just apply, I guarantee they’ll accept you!”
Welp, I got in!
Flabbergasted. Completely flabbergasted.
What would be different this time? I would need to quit my job for three years, and commit to commuting to Greensboro, NC and other hospitals around the state, for classes and clinicals.
Nearing 40, with two kids, a husband, and a job I loved, this would be the biggest sacrifice we would make, so far…but the opportunity was too great to pass up.
Soooo, in August, I started my first semester!
Husband thought it would be funny to take a 1st day of CRNA school pic.
While the past few months have been as challenging as expected, its been an absolute thrill to begin living out a dream I couldn’t even imagine when I was young. As custom dictates, first year students are invited to what’s called a White Coat ceremony. Due to Covid, however, our ceremony has been postponed until Spring…but I’m still on cloud nine, because my white coat arrived the other day, and I couldn’t help but slip it on!
Asking myself the question, about how it feels to wear the white coat.
I feel honored. excited. scared. proud.
Like a mantle, I feel the weight of the coat’s responsibility.
When I was a young girl, I never thought any of this was possible. When I was a really young woman, I had goals, but still thought anything like this was out of reach. But, each goal has led to a new goal.
Over the course of time, these milestones require that you stop and reflect on the path that brought you here. For someone like me, that’s a rare occurrence.
So…here I am. Reflecting.
Ugh, this is uncomfortable.
Is there anything of value, I can do with all these feelings?
Here’s what I hope:
I hope someone finds this story, and it changes their mind. I hope there’s a young girl, or young woman, who reads these words and decides to believe in her dreams, and sets unrealistic goals. I hope there’s a woman my age, or older, who decides its never too late to chase a dream.
If anything, wearing the coat feels like an opportunity. An opportunity to encourage other women.
In our house, we have a few mantras.
The most important one we say aloud: “We’re Hilton’s, and Hilton’s don’t quit!”
It has nothing to do with our name, of course. Replace the name with yours, and own it!
Set big goals. Be a lifelong learner. A lifelong dreamer.
Never quit.
